Living Dreams Of Visions
by Audrey Fulquard
Summary: A follow-on from 'Epiphany', continuing the theme of grief over the loss of Claude.


_Apologies for the short summary - didn't want to give too much away! For that reason, I'm not going to give any story notes but I'm happy to dicuss it via reviews! _

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property James Rado, Gerome Ragni and Galt MacDermot. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended_.

She could hear the patter of rain on a windowpane as she slowly came to. The sound of it was comforting and made her want to keep her eyes closed and the heavy woolen blanket that enshrouded her, firmly tucked under her chin. The air was thick with the smell of incense. She wished she could remember what day it was... in fact, she wished she could remember where or even who she was, as neither piece of information allowed themselves to be conjured up at this moment in time. Blinking her eyes open, the room gradually came in to focus but her eyelids remained heavy, as if she were about to fall back into a deep sleep.

The room was dimly lit by a few candles which were placed strategically on the shelf of a bookcase, on a dresser and on a bedside table. These candles also seemed to emit a strong odour, although what the scent was supposed to be she had no idea. They just added to the already heavy aroma of incense that made her head swim. Her eyes slipped shut for a moment and as they did so, a dull ache crept over her lower abdomen. She forced her eyes open again so she could take in more of the room... The walls were decorated in tie-dyed and Indian looking fabrics, the bookcase was overflowing and she spied a battered old record player on a little table in one corner of the room. There was a window, partially obscured by a blind but she could see the glass was spotted with raindrops and beyond that, the light was fading fast. She began to feel drowsy again and let her eyes close.

Darkness. But not quite. Images began to form in her mind's eye... a fire emerged from the darkness, followed by wild, dancing people who shouted, sang and protested. There were flowers and the smell of burning and the dull pain that had not quite dissipated suddenly gripped her lower abdomen, jolting her awake.

Her muscles tensed and she was forced to curl up into a ball, gritting her teeth and squeezing her eyes shut in agony. She could feel herself breaking out in a sweat, tangled in a mass of heavy blanket but she daren't allow herself to unfurl until the pain subsided. Eventually, thank god, it did and she lay back, head sinking into the pillow. She kept her eyes shut, waiting for her pulse to regain its normal pace and her breathing to steady. It was then she noticed that she could hear music playing. It was quiet but if she listened hard she could just make out the words... "The sun ain't gonna shine anymore... The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky..." It sounded familiar but strangely, it made her feel sick to her stomach. Made her get those strange butterflies... And then another round of pain. She grasped at the blanket, her knuckles turning white as she felt like she was being torn in half. A wail escaped her mouth and tears streamed down her cheeks. Pulling herself up against the wooden headboard, she managed to gulp down a few breaths before another scream of agony erupted from her lungs. Her head hung, chin almost resting on her chest. She opened her eyes, sobbing desperately and it was then she saw her huge swollen stomach in front of her and sensed someone at her side. A young redheaded woman was standing next to the bed, her freckled face creased with concern. The redhead took her hand and patted her brow with a cool, damp washcloth. It was some relief, as she felt as if she was burning up and she acknowledged it with a weak smile. As she focussed on breathing deeply, the pain began to ease, her body began to relax and she zoned out once again.

This time her vision was filled with starlight. She was aware of still being horizontal but this time there were others alongside her, a tangled mess of bodies. All looked, smelled and sounded familiar. All relaxed and at ease, enjoying one another's company; caring, caressing and loving. Nature surrounded them in the form of the long green grass, vibrant summer flowers and the branches of great trees which reached up into the sky. She could lie here forever, feeling warm inside and out but it was not to last. Dark storm clouds began to bubble up from nowhere, covering the starlit night in a threatening, pulsating mass. The air and the bodies around her grew cold. Deathly cold and as still as stone. She felt a sticky gelatinous substance on her hands and as she turned her head to look at the people she was entwined with, to her horror she saw that they were bleeding. Each fragile creature was horrifically wounded in some way, eyes and mouths open, faces frozen in sheer terror. She scrambled to pull herself up but her hands slipped in the blood that began to pool around her. She gasped and attempted to scream but her voice caught in her throat and could not be forced out. Slipping back into the bodies and the blood, she screwed up her face in utter despair and gave up on her struggle to get away.

When she next opened her eyes she was back in the bed but was confused when she looked down to see herself still covered in blood. She began to feel faint but she braced herself for another wave of pain. Her vision was very blurred now but she spotted the redhead darting back into the room, arms full of towels. She wasn't sure if her voice was going to work but she tried to alert the other woman to the fact that she seemed to be leaking blood at a rather frightening pace.

"Covered in blood..." she managed to whisper, throat dry as a bone.

"It's okay sweetheart, please don't panic. Everything's going to be just fine..." The redhead responded, despite sounding worried herself. "We'll get you cleaned up, I promise." She added as she frantically began searching for something on the bookshelf.

The cramps in her abdomen intensified and she threw her head back in disbelief. She had no idea anything could hurt this much. The pain pulsed and tore at her insides and even though her eyes were now wide open, she was blinded by white light. She could hear herself groaning and wailing and then another sound that wasn't her, a sound which was far more primal. The cry of a new born child.

When she regained her vision, her new perspective was somewhat unusual. She found herself standing in the corner of the room. She was looking at what appeared to be herself cradling the new born child in her arms. She tried to look down at herself but strangely, there was nothing there, so she reverted her gaze back to the woman propped up in bed holding the baby. A full moon shone through the gaps in the blinds but offered little illumination in the darkened room. There came the sound of footsteps approaching the door, before the handle turned and it opened quietly. A new figure entered, not the young redheaded woman but a man this time, tall and lean and dressed in some sort of dark military suit. He moved towards the bed then stopped, looking down at mother and child. She looked up at him, suddenly back in her own body, seeing through her own eyes once more. She knew this face well, kind with beautiful blue eyes and a smile to die for. Her love. He smiled softly, eyes glistening - it was a look of pride.

"Here." She said, offering him the baby to hold. "Say hello."

Without speaking, he took the child and held her close to him. He turned to the window, looking up at the moon. After a minute or two, he lowered his head and whispered something to the baby which she couldn't quite catch. He then turned back and carefully placed the tiny person back into its mother's arms. He planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, before turning to leave. She didn't want him to go. She called out to him as he reached the door but he wouldn't look back.

"Claude..." She begged. He opened the door and a brilliant white light poured in. He took one final look over his shoulder and then he was gone, swallowed up by the light. The door slammed shut behind him.

"Claude!" She yelled at the top of her voice, before breaking down into uncontrollable sobs. "Claudio..."

By the time Jeanie calmed down, she realised she was lying on her side and daylight was streaming through the bedroom window. She was awake and this time she knew who and where she was. Rolling over slightly to look over her shoulder, she observed that Crissy was already up. Nothing out of the ordinary, as she was an early riser and most likely already seeing to the baby and pottering about the place doing chores. They had been sharing the bed for some time now, since Crissy's apartment was a little short on space and the couch was far too lumpy to sleep on. Not an ideal situation but she was just grateful to have a roof over her head. Her parents certainly weren't bothered about having her back home, especially not with a baby in tow.

She wiped a hand across her eyes and realised that the pillow was wet with tears; she must've been crying pretty heavily in her sleep. It was then she began to recall the very vivid, very real dream she had had just before waking. With a heavy sigh she sunk back into the pillow and let her hand drop over the edge of the bed. To her surprise someone took it gently, making her jump ever so slightly. Remembering who was currently crashing on the bedroom floor, Jeanie peered over.

"Hi." She whispered to the man holding her hand.

"You forgot I was here, didn't you?" Berger asked, to which she nodded in return.

"Sorry Sleepy Berger... I didn't wake you, did I?" To which she hoped he would respond with a 'no'. Instead he gave her a look that suggested the opposite and that he had also been privy to her crying in her sleep. She looked away, feeling embarrassed. "I'm sorry... I've just been having these messed up dreams... He visits me you know."

Letting go of her hand, Berger pulled back his blanket, got out of his makeshift bed on the floor and climbed over Jeanie and into her bed. He wriggled down beneath the heavy blanket and wrapped his arms around her in a warm embrace."Tell me about it, beautiful" he murmured in her ear. She continued to gaze out of the window as she spoke.

" I dreamt of the night you guys burned your draft cards and of the last night we all spent together. And I dreamt of death... the death of people like us, sent off to fight in that bloody war. I dreamt of giving birth... but it was different. He was there - he held her. And then he was gone.." Jeanie paused to blink away tears. "I dream these things... every day things and he's here with us, like he's always been here... Like he never left."

Berger stroked her hair as he thought about how to respond. Even though he understood how upsetting these dreams were, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. He knew it was stupid but why could he not dream about Claude, as she did? Every time he closed his eyes he would try to conjure up his face, to try and remember him as best he could but he simply couldn't make it happen. He hadn't dreamt of the man since the day he went away, in fact he had barely dreamt of anything at all. He couldn't make sense of it at all but he was sure of the conclusion he finally did reach.

"I think the reason why he visits you in your dreams is to let you know that he's still here, in some shape or form, watching over us. Over you. He would've wanted to be with you when you gave birth to the kid... hell, we all would've been there if we could... thank God for Crissy!"

Jeanie rolled over on to her back and looked up at Berger, a sad smile on her face.

"Seriously... You talk about how, when he died, he left a hole in your heart and you always feel like something is missing...?" He gently touched her temple with his fingertips. "He's in here..." He lowered his hand to her breast, "...and here. I know it sounds corny but he will always be with you. Jeanie, you are our connection to him..."

She reached up and pulled him into a hug, burying her face in his hair. "How did I live without you all this time? I'm glad I found you again..."

At that moment Crissy entered the room but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the two of them together in her bed. Eyes wide in surprise and jaw dropped, she stuttered, "Oh... Uh... Oh... Hi! Good morning! Woah... I'm sorry. Am I... interrupting something?" The redhead blushed and averted her eyes.

Berger looked over his shoulder at her and grinned. "It's okay Criss - we're just gonna sleep in. Dream a while longer..."

With a suspicious look, Crissy smiled back, turned and left them to it. She didn't really believe that all they were going to do was sleep but she supposed there was a first time for everything...


End file.
